The first time.

“How’re you?” He asked as he laid his hand over her shoulder.

“I… I… I d-…on’t know” She muttered, wiping the already cold tears imprinted on her cheeks.

“You know… This happened to me as well, I know how you feel, I still remember how I felt my first time.” He tried to comfort her, sitting next to her.

“But you’re a man, you… You’re supposed to handle it better…” She moaned as she begun to cry once again, just as she seemed to be a bit more calm “There was just too much blood, I couldn’t handle it”

“There’s nothing you could’ve possibly done, dear, when he entered, it had been already too late” He continued, calmly, while gently caressing her back.

“But I couldn’t do anything to help ease the pain, I failed, I’m worthless” She exploded, shouting her lungs out, holding her head in her palms, tears flowing in between her fingers, down her wrists.

“I lost five up until now, but you get used to it in time, I don’t think I can’t make the guilt go away, I just can’t, that, only you alone, can deal with.” He ended as he got up from the bench. “I’ll leave you to tend to your thoughts, but, don’t be too harsh on yourself, there was nothing you could’ve done”

“Thanks” she muttered, wiping her red cheeks dry, sighing. “But why did it have to be me? Up until this day I thought I was prepared, if something went wrong, if it would be too late, I’d be ready to put up with it. But being faced with the situation seems to have been too much, all the pain and the blood, I was simply paralyzed.” She thought once again, remembering the moment when it all happened.

“But then… He was barely breathing when he got in” She comforted herself thinking it over “And his chest was totally torn apart, he was barely conscious, but there was something in his eyes, that beckoned me, and yet I didn’t have the power to do anything. Maybe it was the faith I saw in him, even though he was in that condition, or the desperate plea, that seemed to ask me to do something ” She thought as she started to cry again.

And then a beep. She shook, scared, being disturbed while digging through her own thoughts. She knew the moment the pager rang that it was time. She got up, wiping her tears once again, blowing her nose, knowing she had to face him once again, it was the time for his funeral.